Multivitamin. Every day.
Lean over the sink or tub to brush your hair. If you brush your hair while looking at yourself in mirror, what happens? Stray hairs on the back of your shirt and all over bathroom floor – most unattractive. Plus if you lean over to brush it will send blood rushing to your head!
When in doubt, go to a cafe.
You contain multitudes. Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger etc. will change you into a person you will not recognize – you – that mouseburger of all mouseburgers screaming at someone…in public…to protect a child and, amazingly, even if it is not your own child.
There are people who can ask for $10 in a way that makes you want to give them $20 and people who can give you $100 in a way that makes you want to slap them. Be careful.
Have pancakes for dinner and cold butter chicken for breakfast.
Don’t sweat the details on kids. Your dearest auntie grew up with only educational toys, no soft drinks, no white sugar, classical music and long walks in nature; she washed my own clothes (sheets, towels) and cooked dinners since 7th grade. The result is that there are 16 Diet Cokes in her fridge at all times; she watches Jason Stratham movies, pays someone to clean her house, love Twinkies and hates nature.
Wear really wonderful slippers as you pad around the house. It helps.
If it is at all financially/ time-wise possible – go to funerals to support your friends whose loved ones have died. Do not ask if you should go. Go.
Exceptional Circumstances – How to Be PC
Darling, so many rude people in the world. So many uncouth heathens. So many, many reasons to slap people. And yet we, noblesse oblige, may not sink to their level: For unto whomsoever much is given, of them shall be much required. And it is required of us to behave ourselves, and to gently assist those in need to learning how to behave themselves.
This means we are PC. Not the silly cartoon “PC” one sees discussed on TV shows one quickly switches the channel on, but the honest, bed-rock foundation of civilization PC.
We call all groups of people the name which they (not us, they) prefer to use. We understand there is a difference between Eskimo, Inuit and Yupik, and we try to use the right one, asking to make sure it is correct.
And when someone makes a mistake – what do we do? We do not ask for an apology. Non-trolls will get the picture and apologize on their own. Trolls will either sneer an apology, offer a half-assed one or never apologize. Lawyers never ask questions in court that they don’t know the answer to – we never ask for apologies, it is beneath our dignity.
Someone says something rude about a person or a group of people:
* Choice 1 – Excuse me?
* Choice 2 – You may not realize that is hurtful to… because…
If they make a joke, double-down, laugh at you – then you leave. Advice columns are full of people trying to wiggle out of this – but it’s my boss, but it was at my best friend’s wedding, but it was… Sigh. There are exceptional circumstances in which you must stay in the company of trolls – but you must own it. Don’t complain about a troll unless you did something. N.b. a Facebook post does not count as “doing something,” maneuvering to never again be in the company of a troll is doing something because you can’t change anyone, if you or others have pointed out the problem and there is no change then it is beyond your pay-grade: avoid and warn others.
And of course there are exceptions for learning curves – some people are shy or caught off guard. Own it. Don’t whine about the troll then excuse yourself, “I should have said something but…” No. Start with, “I made a mistake. Can you help me think through what to do or say if it happens again?”
Exceptional Circumstances – How to Sad
As with everything in life my darling, you must prepare to be sad. The first step is: Be Nice When Other People are Sad. Nothing is more ridiculous that people who ignore family and friends who are in need and then make huge fuss over their own problems. Show kindness to those who have lost pets, spouses, chances to vacation in Italy, and winning lottery tickets.
Neither you, nor anyone else, is the Grief Adjudicator. Neither you, nor anyone else, gets to say how long a person should mourn a death, the loss of a house, or giving up a cherished dream. There is no recovery time-line for an illness or a sorrow. If YOU feel like you are pining/ drowning, then you can make reach-out noises and actions.
If you know something awful if coming, try to make a game plan. When I hear X has happened, I will Y.
Tell if you want but:
- Don’t expect anyone to act out of character just because you are grieving. If you explain what’s going on to a notorious tattle-tells and say, “don’t tell anyone,” you are just adding more pain to your life.
- Expect Everyone to Tell You Their Stories, their uncle’s story, their neighbor’s story, their stylist’s story – even if (especially if) it doesn’t really fit with what’s going on with you
- When there is no realistic chance that people will get your pain, i.e. when your favorite show is canceled or when your childhood toys are lost by the shipping company