How to Have Helpful Help – Part 2: It’s Not Your Money and it’s Not About the Money

Tosha Silver’s It’s Not Your Money is a brilliant book. It’s the anti-The Secret. She knows the true mystery of the universe: you are not in change. So go ahead and visualize, write fake checks, make vision/ action boards and say affirmations, but along the way, let go of what the outcome is because you aren’t really in charge.

In other words: You need people around you who say, “No.”

Medieval kings had fools so there was  a safety valve, someone to say the truth amongst all the people who were afraid of getting their head cut off if they told the king he had a stupid plan. I know you are not a king (you are a princess diva) but you need this concept. I hand my tailor a beautiful piece of fabric and explain my dream dress. “No, that is not nice coming, this fabric is not good.” I sputter, I plead, and to no avail – he is a tailor with principles. It will not do, so it shall not be done.

I buy a magnificent rose and hand it over to my gardener. He shakes his head, purses his lips. “No.” “But the COLOR!” I protest. Head shake. The rose gets donated to a friend.

Of course you have to watch out for people who thwart for the sake of thwarting – but you are a diva, so you are ALWAYS pleasant, hence there should be no need for a person to be athwart you, unless it’s a troll and you should know the wily ways of trolls and avoid them.

Surround yourself with good people and listen to them. Respect their sense of pride, their craftmanship and the fact that they have important aspects of their lives which are more important than you are getting that cup of tea this second or having the petunias weeded right now.

Trolls kiss up and shout down – they are super nice to those above them in the pecking order and are unkind to those below them. That’s why they have bad breath and meager 401Ks/ ISAs. Divas are nice to everyone, generous to a fault and retire early to enchanting Greek islands.

“Can I…” –  “No” – Take a deep breath. It’s good not to get everything you want.