Eating Foreign at Home

A week’s vacation back in the homeland and what do I discover, Darling? Breakfast Cookies! Now this is technology at its finest! This is putting our brightest minds to a good purpose! Cookies for breakfast – what a lovely idea! And new findings that dark chocolate has anti-toxins – way to go pointy-heads! Now figure out how to make brownies, lasagna, cotton candy and scones healthy.

And discovered, all over again, that I have managed to acquire the best friends ever. Within an hour, one mere hour, of my airplane’s wheels touching ground I had a blueberry smoothie in one hand and a mocha peppermint coffee in the other. And first night dinner was at the Ritz. Sigh. Perfection.

Although, living overseas makes coming back a little tricky at times. Was having breakfast with a friend and realized at one point that I had a fork in each hand, I was so happy to be having eggs, toast, mushrooms, and protein. And I still define the USA by the “wall of drinks” in convenience stores and those huge 1/2 liter cups at 7/11s. But then, some people take it too seriously, standing in line behind a guy at who wants a “half-caf, soy milk, double-latte with one shake of chocolate, small.” My dear, don’t this, if you are going to be a pest, at least get a large and make it worth the fuss.

Amusing moment: moi and someone who will not be mentioned arguing in a grocery store about who had LESS cooking skills. You would think that your dearest aunt, who believes that champagne counts as fruit juice, would win any such contest but, quelle horror!, I was getting heavy competition. Luckily someone stepped in and cooked for both of us, rescuing the evening.

Scary moment: looking down and realizing someone had put GREEN BEANS on my dinner plate. I ask you. GREEN BEANS. One is not used to seeing hostile, alien food suddenly appearing in close proximity. I was rather frightened. And even more frightened when it was made clear that I actually had to EAT the aggressively healthy (fresh, lightly steamed, no sauce) thingies. And most frightening when it was made clear that I was supposed to eat them to as part of being ‘good example.’ Moi!? A good example for children? Who would think such a thing? I did make the argument that I ought to eat jelly beans and stilton as I’m much better suited as a bad example (Eat your okra! you wouldn’t want to end up like your Cherished Auntie) but this suggestion was not given the respect it deserved.

Then there is the moments of family interactions: me dodging fruit! walks! lentils! fresh veggies! the gym! whole grains! sensible shoes! squash! non-fat milk! And the joy of trying to figure out where the light switches, towels, padded hangers and good chocolates are hidden. There was the house with the exploding blender, no silverware and the shower that would not turn on. And while in hotels, sigh. European hotels are so much better than American ones: perfect, soft, white cotton sheets and COMFORTERS that are comforting. NO polyester.

Such a lovely time of it, one day to recover and now back to work where I shall dream of fresh fruit smoothies.