Darling, You Need A Smoothie, a Mummy (or Monster Hunter) Movie and a Heavy-Duty Euphoria Scent

Darling, sigh, the way things are going you probably need a smoothie – not one of those kale-spirulina concoctions and not one of those 14 ingredient humble-brag monstrosities. No. We are still in Hard Times.

Make a smoothie like a grown-up: things that taste good and at least one healthy thing that is snuck in. One friend makes one with an apple, hand-full of almonds, cinnamon, water (or coconut water, milk or almond milk), dried cranberries and a few chucks of frozen spinach.

You also might need a new lip gloss (sparkle! scented!), fun socks (baby Yoda on your feet!) and a mummy movie.

Mummies are so comforting. Vampires are out and about flitting hither and yon, but a mummy is only going to bother you if you desecrate unspoiled tombs. Now, are you going to do that? I thought not. Hence you are quite safe from mummies (unlike radio-active scorpions which might appear from anywhere) and completely enjoy the movie.

Or try a monster movie (always sticking to the principle of not watching anything that might happen to you. Person attacked on the subway? NO. Person attacked in their house? NO. Person attacked by megalodon, big-as-a-bus shark? YES!)

And what’s our new favorite movie? Monster Hunter! Now this is quality entertainment. This is worth the popcorn. Love and Monsters was good – can’t really complain but it was a little heavy on the explanations, back story, trauma and theme. You have to do some emotional heavy lifting to get to the fun/ exciting parts. Monster Hunter’s theme? Losing friends and monsters are bad – having friends is good. No deep emotional attachments (that bus in Love and Monsters… no, we don’t need more sadness in our lives at the moment) and a lot of falling down rock faces. Good monsters – funny dialog – cool survival gear, seriously – do we need more than that? No.

Lastly, there are more than enough people burbling on about baths/ bath salts and scented candles. I like the candles with dried flowers and crystals, but anything that makes you happy will do fine. Just to remind you that a scent that you like helps you get through the day. Even if it is a micro-second of happiness, it helps.

Shampoo – kitchen cleaner – lip balm – linen spray – lotion – shower gel – wood polish – toilet cleaner – conditioner – glass cleaner – face cream, there are plenty of things in your life that have a scent, take the 2 minutes to find one in a scent you like (or unscented).

DO NOT pick up the same laundry detergent you have used for 4 years – scan the shelves for 30 seconds, change brands, change scents. Try the lavender eco-biodegradable trash bags and the dusting clothes with peppermint oil. Put cedar blocks in your cupboard and for the love of all that is good in the world: hand sanitizer that you like! Make your own, buy from northern European countries – whatever makes you happy, but do not ride out the end of this epidemic with a hand sanitizer that does not spark joy!

[and a note for those anti-Marie Kondo trolls who whine “I have dish-washer in my house that doesn’t spark joy, should I just not do dishes?” Don’t be tedious, no one (especially Marie Kondo) promised you bliss at every moment. What she, me, the universe, Carolyn Hax, Miss Manners and all good souls say is: make the best of what you can, try to make the things you MUST do as pleasant as possible and don’t take away anyone else’s delight unless they are under 18 and in mortal danger. Shut your mouth and go find some strawberry-coconut dish soap.]