pop quiz about DHL (Delivery Hideous and Late)

DHL says that delivery from USA to a large city in the Middle East usually takes 2-3 days, it actually takes:

  • 2-3 days
  • 4-5 days
  • a week
  • 10 days

The longest a DHL delivery from USA to a large city in the Middle East has taken is:

  • a week
  • 10 days
  • 2 weeks
  • 3 weeks

When you pay for a 2-3 day delivery which ends up taking 3 weeks, DHL will

  • give a refund
  • give a coupon for a future delivery
  • send flowers, chocolates, French perfume and a heartfelt, hand-written apology
  • ignore your e-mails and do nothing

If a DHL driver says, “I am coming now” that means:

  • 5 minutes
  • 30 minutes
  • 1 hour
  • any period of time between 1 minute to four hours

If a DHL driver calls at 10:30am to say that he will deliver that package at 4pm, you should expect to see him about:

  • 4pm
  • 4:30pm
  • 7pm
  • 10:45am

If the DHL driver has (by some miracle) decided to deliver your package, is within a mile of your house and has the exact location from WhatsApp, you should expect:

  • 1-3 text messages/ calls
  • 4-7 text messages/ calls
  • 8-10 text messages/ calls
  • give up all hope and any plans you had for the next 45 minutes

DHL drives are versed in the 4 cardinal directions (N-S-E-W), left-right-ahead-backwards, and up-down:

  • yes
  • maybe
  • no
  • don’t be ridiculous

Following the DHL trunk and honking until it pulls over is

  • rude
  • really rude
  • insufferably rude
  • the easiest (sometimes the only) way to get your package

The person who runs DHL is

  • McAuslan
  • wombat
  • bear
  • mutated beast created in and escaped from the bio-engineering lab

DHL and all its drivers should be consigned to which circle of hell

  • 5
  • 8
  • 9
  • there is no pit deep enough