DHL says that delivery from USA to a large city in the Middle East usually takes 2-3 days, it actually takes:

• 2-3 days
• 4-5 days
• a week
• 10 days

The longest a DHL delivery from USA to a large city in the Middle East has taken is:

• a week
• 10 days
• 2 weeks
• 3 weeks

When you pay for a 2-3 day delivery which ends up taking 3 weeks, DHL will

• give a refund
• give a coupon for a future delivery
• send flowers, chocolates, French perfume and a heartfelt, hand-written apology
• ignore your e-mails and do nothing

If a DHL driver says, “I am coming now” that means:

• 5 minutes
• 30 minutes
• 1 hour
• any period of time between 1 minute to four hours

If a DHL driver calls at 10:30am to say that he will deliver that package at 4pm, you should expect to see him about:

• 4pm
• 4:30pm
• 7pm
• 10:45am

If the DHL driver has (by some miracle) decided to deliver your package, is within a mile of your house and has the exact location from WhatsApp, you should expect:

• 1-3 text messages/ calls
• 4-7 text messages/ calls
• 8-10 text messages/ calls
• give up all hope and any plans you had for the next 45 minutes

DHL drives are versed in the 4 cardinal directions (N-S-E-W), left-right-ahead-backwards, and up-down:

• yes
• maybe
• no
• don’t be ridiculous

Following the DHL trunk and honking until it pulls over is

• rude
• really rude
• insufferably rude
• the easiest (sometimes the only) way to get your package

The person who runs DHL is

• McAuslan
• wombat
• bear
• mutated beast created in and escaped from the bio-engineering lab

DHL and all its drivers should be consigned to which circle of hell

• 5
• 8
• 9
• there is no pit deep enough