A colleague just got a promotion to a good job in Y section and is, sigh, creating a frenzy of how she doesn’t want it and it was all so unexpected and she is miserable. Of course, Darling, I told her that she could refuse the promotion but my suggestion was quickly shunted aside.

The poor dear has said for two years that she does NOT want to work in Y section, while doing all the work that they do, making this promotion inevitable. But as she kept saying she doesn’t want to work there, the only way forward now is to lie and create drama.

Darling, don’t be like this. Don’t tie yourself into knots of delusion as you are not fooling yourself and, in time, you will not fool anyone else.

Years ago a colleague played the same game and confided to me about their former team-mates, “I think maybe they are a little jealous of me.”

I said, “No, they are a little afraid of you. You said one thing and did the opposite, so now they can’t tell if you are unknowingly lying to yourself or are knowingly lying to them, but in either case – they can’t trust you.”

The person never spoke to me again. Total victory.

And I hope this puts paid to the idea that being an etiquette queen means being nice. In the immortal words of Dalton in Roadhouse:

I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won’t walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can’t walk him, one of the others will help you, and you’ll both be nice. I want you to remember that it’s a job. It’s nothing personal. I want you to be nice… until it’s time… to not be nice.

Etiquette divas have attained the rank of diva as we know when not to be nice: NOT necessarily when a person is being rude to others (that usually calls for pity and avoidance), but when a person is lying to themself.

The apotheosis of knowledge is to know who you are and hie quickly to be honest to yourself and others. Verily, I say unto you, the quintessence of joy is to say “this is who I am and this is what I want.” Doesn’t mean that you will get it but at least you have the basics.