| American/ UK airline | Middle Eastern airline | |
| when are you greeted | after the plane takes off | the millisecond you sit down |
| your seat will | not be cleaned and not move in any direction | fold flat (or you can just lift the footrest if you prefer) |
| your seat area will have | used tissues from the previous passenger | a bottle of water, adjustable lights, plenty of space to store your things |
| will someone help you put heavy luggage in the overhead bin | don’t be ridiculous, the stewards and stewardess are busy eating the fun snacks | of course, so glad you asked this as your 19 year old/ 4 foot tall / 62 pound steward has been waiting his entire life to lift your luggage, please oh please, he will beg you, please allow me the honor of hoisting your luggage |
| what are you offered to drink first | water, soda, canned juice or bad wine | artisanal water, fresh juice, cappuccinos, award-winning wine made from grapes hand-picked by vestigial virgins at dawn on the day after the autumn solstice, Proust’s favorite champagne |
| snacks | lots of nice things on the snack menu but they were all eaten by waitstaff during take-off, leaving you with the choice of horseradish-flavored kale or banana-flavored chickpeas | artisanal popcorn, elf-made cookies, French chocolates, Scottish shortbread, English gingersnaps and Italian biscotti |
| treats | you are allowed to continue breathing | gift bags from renowned European perfume/ fashion houses |
| entertainment | if you are old enough to fly business class, you are old enough to entertain yourself | a 24-inch screen, an I-pad, a remote control and 387,526 movies-on-demand |
| meals | see ‘snacks’ | a large selection of delicious appetizers, salads, meals, cheese plates, desserts which you can have whenever you want |
| bathrooms | exist | are spotlessly clean and stocked with toothbrush/ toothpaste kits, refreshing facial sprays and lotions from expensive, cruelty-free, vegan beauty companies |
| stewards/ stewardess remind you of mythical creatures because | you seldom see them | they are preternaturally smiley and love to flit about asking you if they can fulfill any wishes |
How To Behave - Etiquette Central 