Darling, on difficult days I imagine episodes from my favorite tv show which has not yet been produced: The Proletariats’ Revenge: or Watch the Executives Suffer. The producers promise free publicity and special prizes to get management to agree, then the fun begins.
Sample episode: 10 people from top management at DHL have to stay in a 1-star hotel in their least favorite country until their exit ticket arrives… by DHL. You see their little faces light up with joy when the DHL website predicts their package will arrive in 3-5 days, then we get to see their consternation when, after they have paid, the shipping time changes to 10 days and then, opps, the package was put on hold a few times and the actual time: 3 weeks. Schadenfreude at its best. (And if they lose their temper to any DHL employee, they have to stay an extra week.)
Or we corral a bunch of US airline CEOs in a room. They have to book tickets for a group of 4 people from city Y to city Z with a stop-over in X. They need to find tickets, then put in a request for the price. When the request is approved an hour later, we get to see them try to buy the tickets but opps, the prince has now increased and they need to send in another request for funds, and by the time that comes through, those flights are full and they have to start again. Without crying, cussing, hitting or pouting. Pure cinematic joy.
When they manage to buy the seats, we get to watch them as they travel with a limited budget so that if they pay for the window seat – they won’t have any money to buy food. Even better, when they settle into their first flight, they are told that as soon as they arrive at their final destination, they have to give a 10 minutes speech tin front of 200 people. So as they deal with cramped seats, no way to use their laptop, dehydration and the general awfulness of domestic air travel with trying to work. Anyone who complains or is rude gets tipped off to security officers and strip-searched.
The top-tier of Apple, Microsoft, Dell and Alphabet have to sit at tables in Midwest malls offering tech help to anyone who needs it – yes, that means they have to help solve both software and hardware problems for apps and machines they are not responsible for. They refused to work together, so they all get to suffer together. Do we need eight different kinds of slots to charge phones and laptops? No we do not, that was THEIR fault and I want to see them helping dozens of grandmas set up “that video thing” so they can chat with distant friends.
CEOs, CFOs, COOs, and CMOs of 5-star hotels have to stay at their own places, checking in while wearing inexpensive clothes with a reservation made with a coupon. (Raffles, Mandarin Oriental, InterContinental New York Barclay and Anantara I am looking at you – I hope YOUR execs get picked first!)
Landlords have to spend a week in their own rental houses – the ones they refuse to do basic up-keep for.
Dealing with chat-bots and call centers is hellish, but how entertaining it is to watch the people who SET UP the chat-bots and call centers have to deal with them. Observing cell-phone honchos try to switch to another company is hours of fun.
Yes, C-suite of battery companies, I want to see you open a pack of batteries without ripping a nail.
IKEA executives are exempt; of course they know how to put together a Vretstorp, much less a Liatorp. The Diet Coke C-suite are also excused because we love Diet Coke.
The best part is that viewers can suggest companies/ people! Fun for the whole family!
Welcome (actually, not welcome) to Our Fine Hotel
Watercoloring and the Proper Management of Employees